Hi y’all!

How’s everything been so far?

I have been very well. Maybe it’s the fact that it’s my last semester here, or maybe it’s just the thought of possibly leaving Berkeley, which makes me feel some type of way.

Food and exercise has been consistent. I’m not going to lie though, it feels good when people compliment you on something about yourself. Not only does it reassure me that what I am doing is benefitting me, but it also makes me want to feel good about myself. What does that look like? However you want it too.

Self-care was something that I learned about almost 4 years ago. When I was first introduced to it, I thought self-care would mainly pertain to women, being that the space I was in consisted of mainly women. However, as I grew over time, I would come to understand self-care is something that everyone should perform, and with each person self-care looks a little different.

My self-care consists of taking breaks throughout the day/week/month/year. As a people, especially coming from a working-class background, we are forced to never think about taking a break for ourselves. How can one take a break when there is so much that needs to get done? My grandpa, who’s gone working his entire life as a mechanic, likes to walk around the house, inside and outside, to see what needs to be done. He always says that there is never nothing to do at our house. But that’s his self-care. To be able to do stuff and feel needed, knowing the work you do around the house has some kind of impact makes my grandpa feel great. Although he is much older now, and still goes around the house, looking to see what needs to be fixed, or cleaned, he finds his peace during these moments.

In one of my classes today, we were learning about the white male fetish. We watched a documentary on mail order bribe websites that focused on Philippine women and making them appealing to older white men. This video, although very informative and explicit, made me feel a sense of disgust. The way these older white men wrote and spoke to these women, basically belittled them to absolutely nothing! It was very very frustrating. Here are these women, who live in an impoverished country, trying to make ends meet, with little money and no opportunity, tending to their families, while these older white men talked about them as if they were objects. At one point in the documentary, one of the older men commented how he had previously had 2 Philippine wives in the past, and was getting ready to marry a 3rd. The interviewer asked the man why he had several failed marriages. He responded by saying how he had certain expectations, and that the women from the bribe websites should stick to those expectations of being a house wife, which also includes, being obedient, not asking for anything, and staying at home to clean the house. UGH! I personally always try to come from place of understanding, but how can one possibly understand where these white men are coming from when, throughout history, white men have globally dominated, colonized and instilled oppressive ideologies, impacted communities of color in a negative way, and created a society where whiteness dictates race (which, by the way is a social construct). I’m sorry, I know that’s a lot to process, but that’s the Berkeley side of me. Although the video did show a spectrum of cases where Philippine women left their homes to marry an older white male, not every case was for the better. Mainly all the Philippine women were unsatisfied, abused physically, emotionally, and stripped away of their home to make someone else happy for the better of their own future. Still, above all of this, I couldn’t stand the man behind the website. He talked about the women as if they were objects. Copying photos onto his computer, and digitally enhancing their images so they look “hotter”, “cuter”, and “more appealing”. He did this by enlarging certain body parts, whitening the woman’s skin, clearing any blemishes on the facial area; and that’s only what he showed the camera. As a male, it makes me very, very, very upset and angry when men like the ones mentioned do the things they do; normalizing violence, trauma, and having the idea that because of their privilege, they can do what they want.

But I reassure myself. I, myself, can do nothing about that. What I can do though is make sure that as a male, I am able to not reproduce those same ideologies, and bring about a different way of thinking. I have 4 younger sisters. I would never allow a man to treat my sister like the way my father treated my mother, the way those men in the documentary treated those women. We can be better.

This past week I went on a hike by myself. It was beautiful. I was able to bring peace to my mind for 2 hours. As I hiked up the mountain in the Berkeley Hills, I reached the top and just gazed at the world in front of me for about half an hour. I took in every sight and every sound. It was beautiful. The sun slightly kissing my untanned skin, the wind softly pushing against my body, the trees swaying back and forth… and for a moment everything seemed okay. It was beautiful.

I’ve been in contact more with my family. It’s something that I am trying to work on as well. My family is my everything. But family can also be toxic. Every family has their problems. But it’s not to say that families don’t succumb to life’s challenges. Family will always be family. It’s taken me these past 4 years to come to appreciate them the way that I do now, and it it because I am in a better place. It feels great to catch up with my younger brothers, and spend hours talking to them over the phone, because truth be told, I really do miss them… and everyone.

I haven’t heard from my dad in a while, which is a surprise because he often messages me to check in to see how everything going. I hope he’s alright.

My mom on the other hand texted me a couple days ago. She told me her older brother, who’s been in prison for about 20 years, just got released. She mentioned how she was worried about him being able to stay out of trouble, because honestly, prison life is basically all he knows. I hope he’s able to move forward as well.

Thank you for reading my post, and taking the time out of your day to simply hear me rant on about my life. I mean it, thank you.

Keep having your goals, never settle for less, and always do you. 🙂

I hope you all have a great hump day, and finish the rest of the week strong!

Fausto Figueroa

Wednesday, 6:24 PM.