Happy Saturday everyone!

I hope y’all have had a great week.

It’s been a pretty busy and emotionally draining week.

Where do I begin? This was officially my last week of my undergraduate career at Berkeley, with my last final being due yesterday. It feels great…. wait…. no…. AMAZING!!! These past four years have been both a blessing and a living hell. Berkeley overall is just an intense school. The pressure that Berkeley puts on its students is ridiculous. On top of that, it doesn’t feel good stressing all of the time. I’m not saying Berkeley is the toughest school ever, but believe me when I tell you, Berkeley will kick your a**. It kicked mine these past 4 years.

As for my last final, I had to do a group presentation at 9 AM, along with turning in a research paper at 5 PM that same day. The presentation and the  research paper were for the same class. For our presentation, we had to create a poster board, with all of the important information we highlighted in our research paper. Our topic was on the financial barriers that first-generation Latinx CAL students face. It’s crazy how not having money effects one’s mental, emotional, and even physical health. If you think about it, money is something that is just not taught in general. If we don’t have any money, we stress about not only the idea of how we going to make that extra dollar, but it also branches out to the question, “what am I going to eat?”, then that leads to, “Do I buy groceries or fast food?”. But then you have to think to yourself, is that $2 burger and fries the best option for your health? Probably not, but hey, its the cheapest option. Am I right? How then though, does that financial stress affect you emotionally? It’s not like we openly talk about how we are financially and say, “Hey! I’m completely broke, I’m stressing, I’m feeling kind of depressed, I don’t know what to do, and I really just need someone to talk too, do you want to get some coffee?” It’s just not that easy. That’s what our project was about, along with a lot of theory and articles, pretty much the boring stuff.

My team was amazing though. There was only 3 of us, and although we all found it somewhat hard to finish this last presentation and essay, we still managed to make it through and finish strong. I really appreciated the last moments of us finishing the last of the essay. We really didn’t talk as much, as in getting to know each other, throughout the semester. But in the last hours finishing the essay part, there were little moments here and there where we would just share personal things about ourselves, and amidst all of the stress and essay-writing, it was really nice.

Our professor for the class had everyone put up their presentation boards for display, that way everyone could walk around and see the amazing work that each group did. Let me tell you, it was a beautiful moment. As I walked around twice to hear and see each groups’ project, I sat down in the corner of the room and just observed. Looking. Seeing. Remembering. That morning marked the last of my undergrad career. As I inhaled deeply, I would exhale slowly. I smiled. It was a bittersweet feeling; kind of like the time when I was accepted to Berkeley and I had to leave my first home in Coachella. Berkeley has been my home for the past 4 years, and now I leave my current home, to go back to a place I called home 4 years ago. I don’t know how I feel about it.

The only reason I took this class (besides the fact that I needed it to graduate), was because it was taught by the one person at Berkeley who, since my first year, told me I could do better. Everyone of us has someone we look up to. Whether it’s our parents, uncles, aunts, mentors, or bosses, there’s always that someone who we strive to be like. That’s who this professor was for me. Whenever I needed someone to talk to, whenever I was going through something difficult, whenever I was feeling down and thought no one would care, he was always there. There has not been 1 semester where I did not take a class with this same professor. He’s amazing y’all, and as I sat down in the corner of that room during our presentations, I looked at him for a while. I guess it wasn’t the fact that I was going to miss Berkeley. It was more the people, conversations, ideas. Everyone, in some small or big way, has made this living hell for me, home. And for that, I appreciate everyone. And I also appreciate you Profe, thank you for everything; the inspiration, the motivation, the constant emails, the small talks, the kind words, the love. Thank you for it all.

Here’s a poem I wrote while thinking about moving back home. It’s called “a new home?”

 

I leave my home soon,

a home where I’ve felt lonesome, yet the outcome has brought satisfaction.

And yet that very satisfaction, is the feeling taking me back to an old home,

a home where my old-self lived.

How does my new-self fit in with my old-self, when I know I’m a different person?

How has my new home, prepared me to go back to my old home?

How will my old-self, clash with my new-self?

A home is somewhere where you want to be, where you can be you.

Yet a home is also somewhere where you go, to save money for rent after college.

I miss home.

 

Aside from yesterday being my last day of school (and being happy about that), I also got an email yesterday, rejecting me, yet again, for another job. I know it shouldn’t get to me, my partner consistently repeated that to me last night. But sometimes we have those days where everything in the world could be going right, and then something ruins it. That was the 6th rejection email I had gotten over the past month. I really don’t care, it is honestly their loss, I know my worth. Yet on a day, where emotions are high and excited, emotions can instantly be turned around to down and worried. I usually don’t let these things get to me, but with pressure from the family, not having a job, being financially broke, going from one emotionally draining school for the past 4 years to an emotionally draining home, can have quite the impact. I just needed some time to myself, or as they say, I just needed to sleep on it. I find it funny (and somewhat ironic) how someone can give the most extensive research about finance, and give a detailed recommendation as to how to save money or be able to educate you financially, still goes through his own financial problems. The struggle is real, and when there is no work, and savings are all used up, where else do you turn to when you know family isn’t the best option, and you know your partner equally needs the money for herself. I’ll figure it out.

I don’t mean to burden you with my problems, or make you feel sorry for me. I just want to show you that everybody has their own personal struggles, and things may not always be the way you want them too. But it’s during those times when you’re feeling down, where you have to take some time for yourself to reflect, use support system, and pick yourself up, ready to take on what tomorrow brings. Don’t ever think you’re alone though, and if you do, feel free to message me, I’m always open to talking. Remember that we’re all human beings, living in the same world, going through the same struggles of life, trying to find our place in life. You got this though, so don’t let anything or anyone stop you. It sure won’t stop me.

Be true to yourselves, find what you love to do, and show love to those who support you.

Stay well in mind, body, and soul my friends.

Thank you for reading.

Fausto Figueroa

Saturday, 2:15 PM